COVID CONFESSIONS

AAhh….this is yet another write-up on CoVID!! I know many people are writing their experiences on Co-Vid. However, this is special! You know why??? ‘cause this is about me. This is definitely is special to me!

I always thought I was an optimistic person, with a view that I can face everything life throws my way, with a smile saying “Bring it On!!!!”

I welcomed COVID lock-downs the same way!!! It was dream come true! I always wanted a job that will enable me to take care of my House & get myself financially independent at the same time! So, this was a dream situation when I will be home at all times! Cook my fav food, clean the house to my satisfaction & yet, work! & this husband of mine, was at home at all times!!!! No going out with friends, no going out to play some game or the other, he is just going to be with me!! This has never happened in our 15 yrs of married life, even during the holidays. So, isn’t it great!!!!

This was my mind-frame at the beginning of COVID, somewhere in the mid of March. But, coming to July, this lock-down has made me think really hard. Re-analyze myself. Somewhere down the years, I have changed. Or there were a few things in my life, that I have not at all paid attention to. I was very surprised to find these out. So, listing out a few.

I am a social animal too!!!!!!!!

This realization was the most great realization of mine. I always thought myself to be a home-bird, happy to be with minimal friend, relative list & never bothering to call them. Only to wish them for their birthdays. But very happy when I didn’t do the 30 mins a day call. But I realized now that I am such a social animal! Whether I call people are not, I need to see atleast see 10 different faces each day. That is my Vitamin D!  AND LO Behold!!!!! I call people these days!!!! Talk to many people! My average call duration pre-lockdown was 2 mins. Now it is 35 mins – whatta leap!!!!!!

     I am not so much of home-bird!!!

I used to crave for a complete day at home! Raja & I used to fill each of our weekends with some ride/drive or the other & it was very hard to have a proper weekend completely at home. A full day to laze around was very scarce. Now that I have it, ok minus housework, minus meetings & work, minus the feeling “No time to laze”, I don’t want to be at home!!!! I don’t like to cook pre-morning, morning, afternoon & night! I don’t like to clean every minute. I don’t like to remain at home at all times!!!!! Phewwwww

     I prefer being Independent!!

Always having lived with a patti, amma, appa & anna, being just Raja & me for 15+ yrs, I used to feel how nice to have a house full of relatives, like my MIL, FIL, SILs, BIL, niece, nephew & ofcourse my bro. all my dreams were full of that! With the coming of my MIL & FIL staying with us, I started realizing, its ok to have them when you are not in a lock-down….during lock-down its always special to be independent. I feel as if I am in the BIGG BOSS house. There are no cameras, but I understand why those ppl react in such stupid way. Because, I do the same. No offence meant to those 2 lovely souls, but being independent all these years, its very difficult to adjust especially during the lock-down. My dream still remains intact, no change in that, Thank God!!! - however I would prefer that without a lock-down!

     My house is not SO BIG!!!

I always thought the house we are living now is very big. I wanted to move to a small studio. But not anymore. I wish there was atleast 1 extra bedroom. I feel any house would start feeling cramped up when you are breathing through it every other minute.

5   I CAN’T take up anything!!!!

This is the most important confession. I always thought I had a very strong mind & an optimistic attitude. I still think that. That is not the point. I also thought that I will never breakdown. How wrong I was! I did go into a small depression. BUT….i am coming out of it & I will become strong again. My learning from this is not to take my strength for granted & it’s the path of life that has shaped me. This hurdle is another stepping stone for a more stronger self!!

The last confession is for more for others who are going through a similar phase. Please understand that you are not alone! This is just a way of making yourself more stronger. Just bear a lil longer, the tunnels’ end is always nearer than we think!!!

This phase has brought me to start writing again. I hope I get to start all my passions once again. I will come back soon with much more wit soon!!! Until then….