My Darling turns 17!!!!!

I still remember the day this kid was introduced to me. I was in front of my PC. The camera was on. My then fiancée brought a long red chilly kind of thing wrapped in a pink cloth. He was 2 days old. So cute he looked. Even then, I never realized that this 1 feet creature would one day rule my heart!!!!

I got to hold him first during my wedding, when he was 9 months old. Only thing that registers in my brain is, this cutie pie, the one who holds everyone’s attention, who was suffering with a very high fever & rashes all over his body due to everyone holding him up, came to me & gave me a toothless smile. That was when my heart started fluttering for him!!!

The day I fell for him completely – was the day I will never forget in my life. The day I still love talking about, to everyone, with pride. 2 weeks after I land in UAE, all the elders left me with my niece, nanny & the baby & went to office. My then 5 yr old niece & I slept in a room, while this kid slept with his nanny in the other room. Suddenly this nanny wakes me up & says “I am going down to the grocery to get a telephone card” & goes away. I continue to sleep for another 30 mins & then realise this lady never returned. Just about 2 months from my marriage, I was left with a 5 year old niece & a nearly a 11 month old baby all alone in a house, with no idea of what to do. I was confident of cooking a meal for any number of adults. But children are totally a new factor!! What do they eat? How do I make up the formula? Oh my GOD what was I to do?

In the midst of all my mind voices, this kutty krishna wakes up & crawls to me. Greets me with a susu & a smile. That is when I lost my heart completely to him!!!!!!! Who will cringe at the susu, when he gives such a beautiful smile?

This kid is the reason, Raja & I stopped fighting to an extent. This kid was about 3 yrs old & one day when he was left alone with us & Raja & I were fighting over something. We never realized for a while that this child had become quiet.  Then we finish our yelling match & turn to this kid & He sits next to the door & tells us in chweet gibberish voice “I don’t like you both like this. If you do this, I don’t want to be with you at all!” that day we learnt! & What a lesson it was!

From the way he used to say, “Pappa, let mummy go! It is easy to make dosa, we have to put the pan, make ring ring ring with the batter & dosa is done. We can make it ourselves” or “Pappa if you do this again, I will tell mummy to leave her Mangal sutra & then you will never be her husband” to shout at his parents “are’nt you ashamed to teach me everyday!!!” this kiddo was my rocking star through my highs & lows.

I was wondering when this kid who loitered my house with his susu’s, powder & broken cars will ever grow up!!! If he used to get a lil better mark, I used to check if it was really his paper. But now I am so astonished to see the way he has grown up & matured. My sweet handsome boy is very quickly becoming an handsome MAN!!! I miss the weekly connect, but he still continues to bug me with his math formulae & F1 driver stories over the phone!!

Hey Kiddo! I love you the most!! Hope you have a wonderful year 17!!!!! I hereby give my word, so publicly, that I will continue to kiss you in front of everyone, I will continue to embarrass you in front of your friends, I will continue to call you “Chappathi Maavu” because I am your GENIE MAAMI.

Self Respect!

Uff….its been 3 yrs since I wrote “And so....the fight.............continues.........” & it still continues. How many ever close friends I have, no one can upbeat my own self. I am my most “bestest” friend. As I have already mentioned in 2017, my other self & I talk a lot. But during these covid days, this crazy best friend of mine has become even more talkative.

As it is, we don’t like advices. When your friend advises you, you have a choice to start day-dreaming & keep your face still as if you are listening. But you know! That is not possible with this stupid “Myself” friend. It knows when I am day-dreaming & gives me a sharp jab to ask me to start listening to her.

So one day we were discussing about “Self-Respect” I hope you have got it right – I was discussing with “My-self” or you may call it my Alter-ego!

The topic came up when I heard someone say that “it was the matter of Self-Respect, that I had to walk away”. So this became our strong topic for the day…..not so lucky…I should say, topic for the next few mins.

My Alter Ego was applauding the person who walked away giving respect to their “Self-Respect”.

I couldn’t agree to it! My argument was – why should Self respect of a person be affected if someone says something rude?? Ideally what is self-respect? Respecting one self, isn’t it?

So this became our conversation…

AE : So, if someone insults you, you will take it?

ME : Depends on who is insulting me, if it is someone I love, I will ignore. If it is someone I rather not like, then I will say some insults. It also depends on my mood for that moment. But I will not lose my self-respect, whatever I do!

AE : Exactly…You will fight for your self-respect!

ME : I didn’t mean that, whether I fight or not, my self-respect will not be a factor that decides my action. Also, whatever action I take, it will, in no way, affect my self-respect!

AE : How can you say that?

ME : I respect myself, in-spite of what others think/say about me. My respect for me is not at all dependent on that! Only my action, if it is against my conscience will ever dent my self-respect. But as long as I keep the conscience satisfied, my Self-respect will remain intact!

I was able to shut my AE for sometime. What do you all think? Will some rude words bring down your self-respect??

 

Never take your Health for granted

Once someone asked me what is the thing that irritates you the most. I said, I love doing things for people, but when they take my effort for granted, is when I get the most irritated. How beautiful isn’t it? I think any number of us feel that. However, do we realise there are so many things that we ourselves take for granted?

My BIL’s father always used to bless us “Be Healthy! Health is Wealth”. We have always heard this, we know this. But have we realized this???? How will we, until we go through the phase of un-health? No one can realize the importance of anything until they lose it. Especially something that has been a part of us from birth.

When my dad used to go through physio sessions for his leg is when I first had a glimpse of how something as inherent as taking 1 leg in front of the other to walk, is such an easy thing. But ask the same to a person who has to re-learn the art of walking…..He will tell you what a luxury we have that we are able to take one foot in front of the other, without even thinking about it!!

I always knew that Health is the best thing we have, but last week made me realise how much I have taken every single part of my cell for granted. Today in the phase of improvement, I come to realise sitting under a fan without suffocation is such a luxury & I thank GOD for making me understand this!

We all are so great at working long hours. During this lock-down times, how many of us sacrificed sleep to accommodate 1 extra movie in the night? Its all so enjoyable isn’t it? But when we feel sleepy & your health doesn’t permit you to sleep, is when we realise the importance of sleep.

Actually the most interesting thing is, our body doesn’t need as much attention as our EGO does. When someone takes me for granted, I (my EGO) get so angry & I either shout and make the other person feel bad, or insult the person, or avoid the person. This might sometime break a relationship as well. But our body doesn’t have such an EGO, Thank God! It just needs a little care. And it doesn’t even tell you that we should all follow a set principle. It would get so happy & do 10 folds more as soon as it realizes you are giving it importance. It is that easy.

A little exercise in the form of a walk or Yoga everyday, whatever you are comfortable with. Or some additional physical work to get your body toned may be all it requires. For some, it would just be to listen to what the body says. Stop when it says to Stop. Sometimes a mere Thank you to each & every organ of the body is all that is needed.

My grandma always said “you can only paint if there is a wall” We can only do all the things we want to do until we have this body. Give it importance, it will take you everywhere you want to go!

COVID CONFESSIONS

AAhh….this is yet another write-up on CoVID!! I know many people are writing their experiences on Co-Vid. However, this is special! You know why??? ‘cause this is about me. This is definitely is special to me!

I always thought I was an optimistic person, with a view that I can face everything life throws my way, with a smile saying “Bring it On!!!!”

I welcomed COVID lock-downs the same way!!! It was dream come true! I always wanted a job that will enable me to take care of my House & get myself financially independent at the same time! So, this was a dream situation when I will be home at all times! Cook my fav food, clean the house to my satisfaction & yet, work! & this husband of mine, was at home at all times!!!! No going out with friends, no going out to play some game or the other, he is just going to be with me!! This has never happened in our 15 yrs of married life, even during the holidays. So, isn’t it great!!!!

This was my mind-frame at the beginning of COVID, somewhere in the mid of March. But, coming to July, this lock-down has made me think really hard. Re-analyze myself. Somewhere down the years, I have changed. Or there were a few things in my life, that I have not at all paid attention to. I was very surprised to find these out. So, listing out a few.

I am a social animal too!!!!!!!!

This realization was the most great realization of mine. I always thought myself to be a home-bird, happy to be with minimal friend, relative list & never bothering to call them. Only to wish them for their birthdays. But very happy when I didn’t do the 30 mins a day call. But I realized now that I am such a social animal! Whether I call people are not, I need to see atleast see 10 different faces each day. That is my Vitamin D!  AND LO Behold!!!!! I call people these days!!!! Talk to many people! My average call duration pre-lockdown was 2 mins. Now it is 35 mins – whatta leap!!!!!!

     I am not so much of home-bird!!!

I used to crave for a complete day at home! Raja & I used to fill each of our weekends with some ride/drive or the other & it was very hard to have a proper weekend completely at home. A full day to laze around was very scarce. Now that I have it, ok minus housework, minus meetings & work, minus the feeling “No time to laze”, I don’t want to be at home!!!! I don’t like to cook pre-morning, morning, afternoon & night! I don’t like to clean every minute. I don’t like to remain at home at all times!!!!! Phewwwww

     I prefer being Independent!!

Always having lived with a patti, amma, appa & anna, being just Raja & me for 15+ yrs, I used to feel how nice to have a house full of relatives, like my MIL, FIL, SILs, BIL, niece, nephew & ofcourse my bro. all my dreams were full of that! With the coming of my MIL & FIL staying with us, I started realizing, its ok to have them when you are not in a lock-down….during lock-down its always special to be independent. I feel as if I am in the BIGG BOSS house. There are no cameras, but I understand why those ppl react in such stupid way. Because, I do the same. No offence meant to those 2 lovely souls, but being independent all these years, its very difficult to adjust especially during the lock-down. My dream still remains intact, no change in that, Thank God!!! - however I would prefer that without a lock-down!

     My house is not SO BIG!!!

I always thought the house we are living now is very big. I wanted to move to a small studio. But not anymore. I wish there was atleast 1 extra bedroom. I feel any house would start feeling cramped up when you are breathing through it every other minute.

5   I CAN’T take up anything!!!!

This is the most important confession. I always thought I had a very strong mind & an optimistic attitude. I still think that. That is not the point. I also thought that I will never breakdown. How wrong I was! I did go into a small depression. BUT….i am coming out of it & I will become strong again. My learning from this is not to take my strength for granted & it’s the path of life that has shaped me. This hurdle is another stepping stone for a more stronger self!!

The last confession is for more for others who are going through a similar phase. Please understand that you are not alone! This is just a way of making yourself more stronger. Just bear a lil longer, the tunnels’ end is always nearer than we think!!!

This phase has brought me to start writing again. I hope I get to start all my passions once again. I will come back soon with much more wit soon!!! Until then….