The Power of Power!!

Its been a few weeks!!! That means, I am more accustomed to this CoVid culture now & things are more normal!!!!

I have been watching or stalking on SSR turned to Bollywood case & the Hathras case. The drama was a very interesting watch. Much more interesting than the IPL where my most fav team is losing at all matches. My hero is not that fit!!

So, this brings me to this drama of what is going on in the Bollywood & the media “Circus” as they call it. I am no judge of how ppl live their life & definitely I am one among the people who does watch the “Gossips”. Unfortunately, people like me have given the media (this includes Bollywood) the right to exploit us. The right to make money out of us & the right to decide what is “Right” & “Wrong” for us.

Journalism was an auxiliary subject I had in college & the first thing that was taught to us was “A report is recording of facts without any emotion” A duty of a reporter was to state the fact & leave it that way. If a view is needed, an expert in that field is called in & they throw light on the details. Again, without emotions & without taking sides. It is very important to view facts without coloured glasses.

But now a days, each & everyone has become an expert. I think these journalists would call me in, as well, if I can ensure TRP rating for them. If I shout cuss words at Rajdeep or Arnab, I will definitely become an expert on any subject, for those channels. Like all these political ppl who have all become the close associates in Disha & SSR’s lives. Those people who fake emotions & do circus in just visiting a rape victim’s family. I seriously don’t understand the politics of visiting a gang raped victim’s family. Ideally, we should concentrate on the family of those ppl who did the rape & insult them so much that each & every family member of a guy takes it their responsibility to bring their son, brother, husband to treat another female the right way. Insult them in such a way that a man thinks, not just twice but a zillion times before looking at a girl in an inferior way. Focus on the family of those rapist until they disown that person. But these people focus on the victim, when they need time to draw the strength from themselves. Instead of giving them that time, these people pound at their doorstep to keep that memory very fresh. Give a break!!!!

I would say we are one of the reasons why the media is the way they are, the actors are taking drugs. Because, we are interested. Because we choose to make them our Idols. Because we are so interested in what they do every single minute of their life & try to copy that, that they need drugs to obliviate themselves from this world. And we are responsible as we have given them the Power to dictate things to us. We have given them the Power to say “Don’t watch us, if you are not interested!”.

Everything needs to be kept in their place. Just because we have a golden broom, we cannot use that to clean the toilet. When we respect each other as a human being & not treat anyone above or below us, we create a better place to live. So, this change should start from us. We all must take an oath to NEVER look Up on any person & NEVER look Down on any person. NEVER blindly believe someone. NEVER to blindly distrust someone. Never take sides. Never give the power of our life to others.

All of us are HUMANs, lets be them!! Use the Power we have the right way & show how powerful we are to this world & not the otherway!!

Be the Charming Sun - Not the Twinkling Star!!

 When I was a child, I used to love being popular. In those early days, my memory is that of my mom, making me join competitions. She used to do a lot of hard work. I used just mug up words & show the expressions my mom used to teach me! But my mom would run around & arrange for my costumes, research for dialogues in those days, when, leave alone google, Internet & why?? Computer was unheard off. If you needed some popular dialogues, you would have to go & get some cassettes. You would have to go to library to look up archives for dialogues. You could not copy them or take pics on your mobile, you will have to write them down in a piece of paper & carry it home. I never knew all these works that go behind a simple fancy dress competition. I used to go up on stage, well made up, with the make up my mom used to put on me (God knows how she was a pro right from the beginning!) with those costumes, which were hand-stitched by her. Recite those dialogues, along with those expressions, that were drilled into me, by the same mom, after so many practices. Those practices that would take place in between coaching my brother & me for our academics, in between her cooking schedule & her other activities, in between taking care of the things my dad would need!! The funny thing would be, I would win the prize. In fact, there were instances when my school got the “champion school” award, as I won the first place. All the credit would go to me! People would crowd around me & my mom & tell my mom “Your daughter is a genius! Look at her talent!!” My mom would feel so proud! & I would lap up all the attention! I was a star (Oh - only according to me)!!!

This word “Star” is so glamorous isn’t it! Look at Aishwarya Rai, Amitabh Bacchhan, Rajni Kanth, how nice it would be to them, atleast for a day isn’t it! Let alone be them, even meeting them is such a great achievement in our life for many of us isn’t it! But do we realise, that stardom usually comes with so many drawbacks??? First of all, these “Stars” can never be a normal human being. They are always kept at a pedestal! They are always followed & what they do becomes the gospel for many! & 1 small mistake they do – Something we, the common man feel it as a “Mistake”, whether they do it or not, we presume & judge them as a criminal. We boycott them, burn their effigies, pelt stone on their houses, even on them. Harm, not only them, but their family members & even their staff. These days, I see this happening on social media the most. It is the social media users that decide whether a person is a criminal or not, a person is worth living their life or not. I recently saw a hashtag that was trending the most in twitter. “#RIPRAJDEEP”. For a moment I thought this guy really died. But later realized, this guy is completely alive, however, this hashtag was used to put this person down. Hey, I am no fan of Rajdeep. But still, “RIPRAJDEEP” is a little too much for a person who is alive, even if he deserves it or not!

Thank God I never became a star that I thought I was! I am happy that I have woken up from my childhood “Stardom” long back, & working on being a person who is more attuned to the process than the result! Working on being more knowledgeable than showing off my knowledge. Working on being a loving person than a loved person! Being a charming Sun rather than a Twinkling star!!!!!

 

It's normal Again!

 I remember the time after my marriage. A life where I would sit in a small bedroom in a flat on the 15^th floor of a bldg, watching over a fountain. In an unknown country, never seeing another soul in the building, other than the Nathur (watchman). All alone, thinking of the times before my marriage, when I never used to be alone. Always accompanied by the family. Waiting to enjoy that again! At that time, I so wanted my early life back. My old friends back. I was waiting to come back to India & take my life back from where I had left it.

Little did I know that things move on!!

The small responsibilities I had held at home, was already taken over by someone else! Whenever I return home, it was not just the 4 of us at home! My mom would not make things I love, but, the things Raja loved. I saw her do things she used to do to me, to my SIL. (yes, I was jealous!) My friends got married & got busy with their life! They had very little time for ME! Moreover, 20 days’ holidays was split between B’lore & Mumbai & never Chennai, where I spent most of my childhood days ☹.

Life had moved on for everyone! It took me sometime to realise, that things would never be the same as we left it  (as written in my earlier blog!). It was hard to accept this realization, but then once I did, life became so wonderful. Our home became a joyous place with all of us during holidays! My friends’ new family became my new family! We started making new memories & life moved on!

But then why am I talking about this now? Because, we have left a fun filled life, 5 months before, thinking we will be going back to the same old life WHENEVER this epidemic gets over! Is that really a possibility? I don’t think so! I don’t think there would be an overnight turn of events, that would enable us to go back to our life 5 months before! And this life we are living, is not a temporary one!

We need to accept this - this is a new way of life! It might be scary to accept, may be difficult to accept. But once we accept this, we can very well see, how enjoyable this life is. Vaccine may come with time, but we have learnt a few new things & we have evolved during this last 5 months. Each of us have got more time to reflect on ourselves & definitely not the same person we were 5 months before. But as I said before, we will have new golden moments in the future! It may not be the way it was! But, it will definitely be in the way that is more enjoyable!

Accept the change & Lead the new way!

Retirement!

I always wanted to retire when I become 40. Raja & I always argue about the age of retirement, so he has somehow persuaded me to go on until I am 45. But being at home all these days, I am thankful I have agreed to extend my retirement age to 45! God Knows what I will become, just doing nothing! More than me, I think my husband is blessed that I am not thinking of retirement, ‘cause, he is my sounding board right…..What all I blabber to him just being at home during these COVID Days, I am sure if this extends beyond a certain period, Raja would need assistance just cos of handling me!!!

If me, a normal person, whose work means something to only a very handful of  people, go through such drama being a little less occupied, what would Icons like Dhoni undergo? I am just putting him in my shoes, though I am sure, he belongs to a totally different kind of shoes, still, wouldn’t he have a little mental discomfort to stop doing what he did for atleast 15+ years? He would have stayed in more Hotels than at home, so would he feel a little withdrawal symptom being more at home?

I remember reading an interview of Rahul Dravid’s wife, when he retired. She said she would make him help more at home chores, like going to the supermarket, buying veggies etc.,. For many, it was a funny thing to imagine! The “Wall” standing in a queue, though I have come to know that he does stand in a queue, may be not to buy veggies, but for other things like voting etc.,

Retirement phase would require a LOT of mental adjustments for each & everyone. Whatever profession that person has been carrying out. It is moving out of one routine & taking up another! A HUGE Change! If you are idyllic person like me, who used to fantasize on being lazy & idle, like, being a couch potato, retirement would be the last thing to do!!!

Retirement ideally means a stop of things that you would normally do & start of something different. We go through this phase quiet often in our life! Right from our childhood, we retire being a child who stays at home, the minute we are put in play-school or school. The minute we pass our boards, we retire being a school goer, Once we graduate, we retire from our college life. More impacting, we retire from our bachelor or spinsterhood, the minute we get married! So, what is it that is so different from our work retirement, that actually makes us think things differently? Is it our age, that stops welcoming changes? (so, it would be good to retire quiet early isn’t it?)

Retirement is something that is a must for anyone of us & something each & everyone of us would face (fingers crossed) some day or the other! So, the more graceful we accept it, more enjoyable it would be! Yes, this is something I know but must accept as well! I am sure Dhoni would be doing a much better job than me!

Time Moves On........

 I made a wonderful gujju Khadi & Jeera Rice…..I felt so happy as it reminded me of my most fav Khadi taste. It was just like the khadi I always adored – Geetar’s Khadi…yummmmmmm People who have been in UAE can understand what I mean!

This brought about a nostalgic moment & a recent conversation I had with my “DARLING” niece. ( that is how she calls herself! :D) She was asking me what I was going to write next, I said that is reserved for weekends as my mind is full of work during the week. So she was giving me ideas & one such thing was to write about her…”Write about me no….your darling niece!!” This conversation & my most yummy khadi is taking me down the memory lane, to those days in UAE…..so here it is, my darling niece, this blog is dedicated to you!!!

The main thing I remember & miss the most from UAE is FOOD!!!! My SIL says, “you say that now, but you were always complaining about food then!!!” may be I did, but I don’t remember that, I remember only that FOOD, whenever & Wherever we want, it would be available. I remember those small cafeterias that would be opened until 3 a.m. & close for just about 2 hours & start again at 5!!!

 I remember those days when Raja & I would go for a late night or should I say an early morning movie! 1 a.m. shows….we will return home, pick up a tea from chetta’s cafeteria, before he closes at 3 & go for a long drive, watch the sunrise at 4:30 a.m. & come back home fresh to sleep!!!! Wake up at around 12 noon & the whole family would assemble (around 15 - 20 of us) to go to a restaurant to have lunch….most probably it would be Geetar – the most lovely Gujju thali! Or Dwaraka – the lunch buffet, or Rasoi Ghar – to a Rajasthani thali!!!! Then we will all assemble at someone’s house, mostly ours or my Sil’s for a tea!!! This was sort of a ritual for us. We were 4 families with extensions.

Another thing I miss the most is Loooooooong drives. I miss the fights with my nephew & niece to take up the front passenger seat! Sometimes the 6 of us used to assemble in 1 car. It was initially very easy with these kids being small & very comfortable, later it used to be much loving shovels between my nephew, niece & me. But nevertheless, we still preferred travelling in the same car & fighting for comfort-ability rather than travel in 2 cars. Another thing we used to fight is for which FM station to listen!! Or which song to listen to! I remember those days when my niece was anti-hindi songs. She wanted to listen ONLY to tamil songs..I wish she remained that way!! Esply my nephew, who never listened to songs, is all the time on English music now!!

Another thing about long drives are the drives Raja & I used to have almost everynight….I would return from office, Raja would be waiting for me at some restaurant, we would have our dinner & then we would go for a long drive to pick up a tea 150 kms away. Come back home at around 12 midnight. While parking, the FM would start putting up Kishore Kumar songs, so we would take the car again & leave, pick up a 1 dh icecream from McDonalds (I think that is the only thing I have ever eaten in McDonalds) & go for another drive until about 1:30 a.m. come home, sleep until 5 & get ready, in a sleepy mood to the office. Then go to sleep for another couple of hours in the car!!!

How we wish, all the 6 of us, that we go back to those days! But, that time has moved on! Our lives have moved on……Geetar has also closed :(. We can never go back to those days, but we can definitely create much better memories in the days to come! Hoping for more lovelier times!!!!!!!!

Jai Shri Ram

My whole day on 5^th Aug was spent in a state of Euphoria. I wanted to convert my feelings into words, however, I just could not! An unreal day that would go into History – For the best reason!

I have done nothing for this change to have been brought out, but I feel that my darling has come home! Thanks to all those people, living & dead, who have prayed & always envisioned for this day, even if they are not there to see it. Thanks to all those karyakartas in the form of people at the frontline protecting the temple site, the lawyers, the lobbyist, the scholars, the visionaries, & many others including the every day Bhakta of Shri Ram. Leaders like Shri Narendra Modi, Shri Amit Shah, Yogi Adityanath, who made this dream possible to come true. I am sure many souls would have had a happy day, like I can feel my Dadda & my mamamai weeping through the day. They would, had they been alive, for they were such a lover of Shri Ram. Especially those who believed that writing the Rama Nama will bring Ayodhaya back in its original form of Glory! Sanshtaanga pranams to the Founder of “Rama Nama Bank”. What a moment it wud have been for all those ppl who wrote Rama Nama, book after book for so many years, when they were all kept in the foundation of Ayodhya!!!!! Scintillating feeling!

To those people who question the integrity over the place of birth of Rama & over demolishing the mosque & building a temple in its place, I ask you this…..had this happened to your house, if you were thrown out & someone else demolished your house to build a new own on it, how would you feel? One's home is the palace for each one, even if it is a hut & you are currently staying at a 5* hotel. I can see my in laws waiting to return to their haven of the house, even though they are well pampered with love from their children here. The last scene in Chak De has shown this very well. When we feel this way for a mere roof above our head, the temple at the birth place of Rama is even more sacred for us Hindus. What is wrong in us claiming what is rightfully ours?

To those people who want a Hospital or School in that place, there are so many other places which can be converted. This is 1 sacred place for us & it is our RIGHT to have a temple, which will be open to each & every one of us, not just to sick people or to children, had it been just a Hospital or a School.

It’s a such a moment of Pride & Joy for us, that when Modji was in the temple doing the pooja, tears just flowed in my own eyes. I had goosebumps all over. I was once a secular person, if even I cud feel this, I can understand the feeling of so many millions of people!!!!!

Shri Ram has come to his home! And in the most deserving way. He waited all these years patiently & is entering Ayodhya only after the judgement is made FOR HIM! He continues to prove his virtue! Jai Shri Ram!!!!

Value of Life!!

I was listening to a talk by Shefali Vaidya. It was truly inspiring & made me think what value am I adding to this world. When we are in this world, so surrounded by so many achievers, we tend to ask the question of “Am I of any value by doing the usual things?”

I see so many of my friends posting youtube videos, showcasing their talents. Do I need to do that to add value to my life? I see so many people tweet either for or against a social cause. Do I need to do that to make my statement?

I see many people participating in protests. Should I do that? Or like many others who connect with intellectuals & spread their knowledge, do I need to do that?

Is just being me, such a useless thing? So why am I even born????? Isnt there a purpose in life????

Pondering on & on & on…………Thankfully Bhagavad Geeta comes to my aid.

We don’t need to do anything extra to make ourselves “important” or make ourselves “Valuable”. We add value to our every day duty by doing it with utmost focus & with “Prasada” Bhudhi. Confusing?

If we are just a housewife, doing the chores & taking care of our children, when we do each & every job, be it boiling milk, or cleaning the house, or educating our children, If we do it with utmost dedication & without expecting any results, we are adding value to that job.

We may not be posting or showcasing the things we do. But we are, in doing the job with utmost focus, adding value to the job, as we are doing the job in the best way possible. In this way, we are safeguarding our values & yet in our small way adding to the ultimate goal!

So to all those people who are having the same thought of whether you are adding value, in this vast world, give a pat to yourself! You Are!!! In every small thing you do & in every small way you do. You are most important to this world, just like those frontline warriors!

My Darling turns 17!!!!!

I still remember the day this kid was introduced to me. I was in front of my PC. The camera was on. My then fiancée brought a long red chilly kind of thing wrapped in a pink cloth. He was 2 days old. So cute he looked. Even then, I never realized that this 1 feet creature would one day rule my heart!!!!

I got to hold him first during my wedding, when he was 9 months old. Only thing that registers in my brain is, this cutie pie, the one who holds everyone’s attention, who was suffering with a very high fever & rashes all over his body due to everyone holding him up, came to me & gave me a toothless smile. That was when my heart started fluttering for him!!!

The day I fell for him completely – was the day I will never forget in my life. The day I still love talking about, to everyone, with pride. 2 weeks after I land in UAE, all the elders left me with my niece, nanny & the baby & went to office. My then 5 yr old niece & I slept in a room, while this kid slept with his nanny in the other room. Suddenly this nanny wakes me up & says “I am going down to the grocery to get a telephone card” & goes away. I continue to sleep for another 30 mins & then realise this lady never returned. Just about 2 months from my marriage, I was left with a 5 year old niece & a nearly a 11 month old baby all alone in a house, with no idea of what to do. I was confident of cooking a meal for any number of adults. But children are totally a new factor!! What do they eat? How do I make up the formula? Oh my GOD what was I to do?

In the midst of all my mind voices, this kutty krishna wakes up & crawls to me. Greets me with a susu & a smile. That is when I lost my heart completely to him!!!!!!! Who will cringe at the susu, when he gives such a beautiful smile?

This kid is the reason, Raja & I stopped fighting to an extent. This kid was about 3 yrs old & one day when he was left alone with us & Raja & I were fighting over something. We never realized for a while that this child had become quiet.  Then we finish our yelling match & turn to this kid & He sits next to the door & tells us in chweet gibberish voice “I don’t like you both like this. If you do this, I don’t want to be with you at all!” that day we learnt! & What a lesson it was!

From the way he used to say, “Pappa, let mummy go! It is easy to make dosa, we have to put the pan, make ring ring ring with the batter & dosa is done. We can make it ourselves” or “Pappa if you do this again, I will tell mummy to leave her Mangal sutra & then you will never be her husband” to shout at his parents “are’nt you ashamed to teach me everyday!!!” this kiddo was my rocking star through my highs & lows.

I was wondering when this kid who loitered my house with his susu’s, powder & broken cars will ever grow up!!! If he used to get a lil better mark, I used to check if it was really his paper. But now I am so astonished to see the way he has grown up & matured. My sweet handsome boy is very quickly becoming an handsome MAN!!! I miss the weekly connect, but he still continues to bug me with his math formulae & F1 driver stories over the phone!!

Hey Kiddo! I love you the most!! Hope you have a wonderful year 17!!!!! I hereby give my word, so publicly, that I will continue to kiss you in front of everyone, I will continue to embarrass you in front of your friends, I will continue to call you “Chappathi Maavu” because I am your GENIE MAAMI.

Self Respect!

Uff….its been 3 yrs since I wrote “And so....the fight.............continues.........” & it still continues. How many ever close friends I have, no one can upbeat my own self. I am my most “bestest” friend. As I have already mentioned in 2017, my other self & I talk a lot. But during these covid days, this crazy best friend of mine has become even more talkative.

As it is, we don’t like advices. When your friend advises you, you have a choice to start day-dreaming & keep your face still as if you are listening. But you know! That is not possible with this stupid “Myself” friend. It knows when I am day-dreaming & gives me a sharp jab to ask me to start listening to her.

So one day we were discussing about “Self-Respect” I hope you have got it right – I was discussing with “My-self” or you may call it my Alter-ego!

The topic came up when I heard someone say that “it was the matter of Self-Respect, that I had to walk away”. So this became our strong topic for the day…..not so lucky…I should say, topic for the next few mins.

My Alter Ego was applauding the person who walked away giving respect to their “Self-Respect”.

I couldn’t agree to it! My argument was – why should Self respect of a person be affected if someone says something rude?? Ideally what is self-respect? Respecting one self, isn’t it?

So this became our conversation…

AE : So, if someone insults you, you will take it?

ME : Depends on who is insulting me, if it is someone I love, I will ignore. If it is someone I rather not like, then I will say some insults. It also depends on my mood for that moment. But I will not lose my self-respect, whatever I do!

AE : Exactly…You will fight for your self-respect!

ME : I didn’t mean that, whether I fight or not, my self-respect will not be a factor that decides my action. Also, whatever action I take, it will, in no way, affect my self-respect!

AE : How can you say that?

ME : I respect myself, in-spite of what others think/say about me. My respect for me is not at all dependent on that! Only my action, if it is against my conscience will ever dent my self-respect. But as long as I keep the conscience satisfied, my Self-respect will remain intact!

I was able to shut my AE for sometime. What do you all think? Will some rude words bring down your self-respect??

 

Never take your Health for granted

Once someone asked me what is the thing that irritates you the most. I said, I love doing things for people, but when they take my effort for granted, is when I get the most irritated. How beautiful isn’t it? I think any number of us feel that. However, do we realise there are so many things that we ourselves take for granted?

My BIL’s father always used to bless us “Be Healthy! Health is Wealth”. We have always heard this, we know this. But have we realized this???? How will we, until we go through the phase of un-health? No one can realize the importance of anything until they lose it. Especially something that has been a part of us from birth.

When my dad used to go through physio sessions for his leg is when I first had a glimpse of how something as inherent as taking 1 leg in front of the other to walk, is such an easy thing. But ask the same to a person who has to re-learn the art of walking…..He will tell you what a luxury we have that we are able to take one foot in front of the other, without even thinking about it!!

I always knew that Health is the best thing we have, but last week made me realise how much I have taken every single part of my cell for granted. Today in the phase of improvement, I come to realise sitting under a fan without suffocation is such a luxury & I thank GOD for making me understand this!

We all are so great at working long hours. During this lock-down times, how many of us sacrificed sleep to accommodate 1 extra movie in the night? Its all so enjoyable isn’t it? But when we feel sleepy & your health doesn’t permit you to sleep, is when we realise the importance of sleep.

Actually the most interesting thing is, our body doesn’t need as much attention as our EGO does. When someone takes me for granted, I (my EGO) get so angry & I either shout and make the other person feel bad, or insult the person, or avoid the person. This might sometime break a relationship as well. But our body doesn’t have such an EGO, Thank God! It just needs a little care. And it doesn’t even tell you that we should all follow a set principle. It would get so happy & do 10 folds more as soon as it realizes you are giving it importance. It is that easy.

A little exercise in the form of a walk or Yoga everyday, whatever you are comfortable with. Or some additional physical work to get your body toned may be all it requires. For some, it would just be to listen to what the body says. Stop when it says to Stop. Sometimes a mere Thank you to each & every organ of the body is all that is needed.

My grandma always said “you can only paint if there is a wall” We can only do all the things we want to do until we have this body. Give it importance, it will take you everywhere you want to go!

COVID CONFESSIONS

AAhh….this is yet another write-up on CoVID!! I know many people are writing their experiences on Co-Vid. However, this is special! You know why??? ‘cause this is about me. This is definitely is special to me!

I always thought I was an optimistic person, with a view that I can face everything life throws my way, with a smile saying “Bring it On!!!!”

I welcomed COVID lock-downs the same way!!! It was dream come true! I always wanted a job that will enable me to take care of my House & get myself financially independent at the same time! So, this was a dream situation when I will be home at all times! Cook my fav food, clean the house to my satisfaction & yet, work! & this husband of mine, was at home at all times!!!! No going out with friends, no going out to play some game or the other, he is just going to be with me!! This has never happened in our 15 yrs of married life, even during the holidays. So, isn’t it great!!!!

This was my mind-frame at the beginning of COVID, somewhere in the mid of March. But, coming to July, this lock-down has made me think really hard. Re-analyze myself. Somewhere down the years, I have changed. Or there were a few things in my life, that I have not at all paid attention to. I was very surprised to find these out. So, listing out a few.

I am a social animal too!!!!!!!!

This realization was the most great realization of mine. I always thought myself to be a home-bird, happy to be with minimal friend, relative list & never bothering to call them. Only to wish them for their birthdays. But very happy when I didn’t do the 30 mins a day call. But I realized now that I am such a social animal! Whether I call people are not, I need to see atleast see 10 different faces each day. That is my Vitamin D!  AND LO Behold!!!!! I call people these days!!!! Talk to many people! My average call duration pre-lockdown was 2 mins. Now it is 35 mins – whatta leap!!!!!!

     I am not so much of home-bird!!!

I used to crave for a complete day at home! Raja & I used to fill each of our weekends with some ride/drive or the other & it was very hard to have a proper weekend completely at home. A full day to laze around was very scarce. Now that I have it, ok minus housework, minus meetings & work, minus the feeling “No time to laze”, I don’t want to be at home!!!! I don’t like to cook pre-morning, morning, afternoon & night! I don’t like to clean every minute. I don’t like to remain at home at all times!!!!! Phewwwww

     I prefer being Independent!!

Always having lived with a patti, amma, appa & anna, being just Raja & me for 15+ yrs, I used to feel how nice to have a house full of relatives, like my MIL, FIL, SILs, BIL, niece, nephew & ofcourse my bro. all my dreams were full of that! With the coming of my MIL & FIL staying with us, I started realizing, its ok to have them when you are not in a lock-down….during lock-down its always special to be independent. I feel as if I am in the BIGG BOSS house. There are no cameras, but I understand why those ppl react in such stupid way. Because, I do the same. No offence meant to those 2 lovely souls, but being independent all these years, its very difficult to adjust especially during the lock-down. My dream still remains intact, no change in that, Thank God!!! - however I would prefer that without a lock-down!

     My house is not SO BIG!!!

I always thought the house we are living now is very big. I wanted to move to a small studio. But not anymore. I wish there was atleast 1 extra bedroom. I feel any house would start feeling cramped up when you are breathing through it every other minute.

5   I CAN’T take up anything!!!!

This is the most important confession. I always thought I had a very strong mind & an optimistic attitude. I still think that. That is not the point. I also thought that I will never breakdown. How wrong I was! I did go into a small depression. BUT….i am coming out of it & I will become strong again. My learning from this is not to take my strength for granted & it’s the path of life that has shaped me. This hurdle is another stepping stone for a more stronger self!!

The last confession is for more for others who are going through a similar phase. Please understand that you are not alone! This is just a way of making yourself more stronger. Just bear a lil longer, the tunnels’ end is always nearer than we think!!!

This phase has brought me to start writing again. I hope I get to start all my passions once again. I will come back soon with much more wit soon!!! Until then….